


Waking

by Nyphette



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Once Upon A Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 15:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyphette/pseuds/Nyphette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU -  Belle gets her memory back right after the “Lacey” episode and reacts to events. This scene takes place before the last few episodes. (Of Season 2)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waking

**Author's Note:**

> nyphette.tumblr.com
> 
> Twitter: Nyphette_Fics

With the door to the master bath firmly locked, Belle sat on the cold tile floor with her knees curled up under her chin. Hiding wouldn’t do her any good. Eventually, she would have to face the world. For now, she needed a moment.

Closing her eyes, she tried to push back the stinging at the corners of her eyelids and swallow the ever-present lump in her throat, but she was unable to control her body’s impulses. She wanted to cry until she was spent, but at the same time she knew tears wouldn’t fix a single thing.

Blinking her eyes open, Belle looked down at the necklace she clutched in her hand. A beautiful diamond necklace with a pear shape pendant that even now shimmered in the light. Rumple gave her this necklace. Once in her dream, then once again in his shop when she was Lacey.

Lacey.

Eyes closing again, she swallowed a groan. Did she really behave that way? Did she really encourage Rumple to do all those things? He was nasty to others and she stood by his side and joined right on in the may lay. Worse, she pushed and prodded 

Rumple, knowing he would do what she asked in order to please her.

The weight of this knowledge had Belle rolling on to her knees and being sick into the toilette bowl. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she gasped for breath. Spent, she reached for tissue to wipe her mouth.

Moving to sit with her back against the wall and her knees back up under her chin, Belle tried to take in small, shallow breaths. Shame and embarrassment filled her heart. She hated Rumple for what he did, but Belle despised herself even more.

Belle tried to make amends for it all. Ruby and Granny were gracious. So many others, including Dr. Whale and Keith, accepted her apology because they feared what would happen if they didn’t. Emma and The Charmings said Belle was cursed and there was nothing she could do. David and Mary Margaret assured her that things would get better with time.

How much time?

Pressing her flushed cheek against the cool tile, Belle tried to force down her nausea. People in Storybrooke were already looking at her differently. Could she really go back to being the librarian as if nothing happened? Her time and experience as Lacey vastly changed her life. As much as she wanted to, Belle knew she couldn’t hide in Rumple’s bathroom forever.

The knock at the door startled her.

“Belle?” Rumple’s muffled voice came through to her ears. “Are you alright?”

Inhaling a shaky breath, her hold around the necklace tightened. Belle had to try a few times to find her voice. “I need a minute,” she called.

“Belle?”

“Please,” she begged.

Silence weighed down the moment before she finally heard his retreating footsteps. Exhaling the breath she was holding, Belle reached out with her free hand to grasp the side of the sink and hoist her body upright. A wave of dizziness hit her and she saw black spots swirl in her vision. For a moment, Belle thought she was going to be sick all over again, but the sensation passed with some rapid blinking and a few deep breaths.

Looking at her own reflection was painful, so Belle avoided looking at the mirror as she splashed cold water on her face. Rinsing out her mouth and washing her hands, she felt degrees better. 

Tip-toeing to the door, Belle softly turned the lock and very slowly before carefully turning the knob. She wanted to be as quiet as possible in order to prolong her privacy before she faced Rumple. The door didn’t make a sound as she drew it back on its hinges.

The sight in front of her gave Belle pause. Across the room, Rumple sat on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. For such a powerful man, he looked lost and helpless. The realization that Rumple was just as torn up over events as she was hit Belle like a gusting wind.

Her heart did soften, but Belle wasn’t ready to have the conversation with Rumple she knew they needed to have at this moment. Not yet. Belle started to move back into the sanctuary of the bathroom, but the floor creaked beneath her foot as she shifted her weight, causing Rumple’s head to snap up. Their eyes met and the decision was taken out of her hands.

Rumple looked at Belle with a mixture of love and disbelieving awe that never failed to make Belle’s blood warm. There was no doubting his affections with a look like that one. Still, lack of affection was not their problem right now.

Realizing this moment would be her first test of strength and endurance, Belle resisted the urge to run back the tile floor and slamming the door behind her, and instead forced one foot in front of the other until she reached the bed. Sitting down next to Rumple, she hardly knew what to say.

“Are you alright,” he asked. Rumple hesitated, but then reached out to grasp Belle’s hand. He wanted to reassure her that he was here for her. She didn’t pull away from his touch, but she didn’t give his fingers that extra squeeze of reassurance he hoped she would.

“I don’t’ know how I feel,” Belle confessed. “Ashamed. Embarrassed.”

“There is no need,” Rumple insisted. “You were cursed! Everyone knows that! If there is anyone to blame, it’s Regina! She’s the one that put those memories in your head!”

Giving an absent nod, Belle wondered if she should hate Regina. The queen did lock her up and purposely kept her and Rumple apart. Belle knew she was being used as a pawn in a game she didn’t understand – then and now. Would she forever be caught between the push and shove of Rumple and Regina’s rivalry?

When she was freed from the asylum, Belle pleaded with Rumple not to kill Regina. What the woman did was despicable, but not worth such revenge. Belle was content to go about her business and avoid Regina at all costs. Not trusting Regina one iota, Belle decided to let Rumple handle the queen if she came near because Belle trusted she could help Rumple stay on the right path.

Looking back, her logic seemed so naïve.

“Regina may have lit the match, but I let the fire burn.”

Rumple squeezed her hand until her watery eyes met his. “You had no idea of what you were doing. You only had false memories and a false sense of self.”

A silent tear fell down her cheek. “Then why didn’t you show me my good side? Why didn’t you try to bring the good out of me?”

“I tried!” Remembering how he learned Lacey took over the woman he loved filled him with agony. How could he make Belle understand the despair he felt when he saw how Lacey behaved? Or the devastation when she rejected him? The realization that Lacey was attracted to his dark side was the only way to hold her interest, so Rumple put it on display. In his mind, there was no other way to keep Lacey’s attention.

“I tried to get through to you,” he started. “But you only wanted to be around bad…elements. The way I saw it, I had to let out some of my darker impulses to keep Lacey’s interest. I couldn’t stomach the idea of you being with anyone else!”

Belle shook her head, her eyes wide. “What about when you had my full attention, Rumple? Why didn’t you fight for me then?”

“I was afraid you’d leave,” he confessed barely above a whisper.

Swallowing hard, Belle wiped angrily at the tears leaking out of her eyes. She knew how much Rumpelstiltskin loved her because she felt the same depth of love for him. Nevertheless, she felt stung and somewhat betrayed by all that happened.

“Do-“ Belle licked her lips and tried again to ask the question she desperately wanted answered, but was deathly afraid of what that answer would be. Gathering as much courage as she could muster, she forced her eyes up to look at the man she loved. Belle needed to see his eyes when he spoke.

“Do you love Lacey more than me? Is that why you indulged her?”

Rumple couldn’t have been more shocked. “Sweetheart,” he breathed as he reached up to cup her cheek.

“Please,” Belle whispered back. “I need to know.”

Forming the right words would be crucial. Moving closer, Rumple didn’t removed his hands from her body. They both needed the physical contact to remind them of the here and now.

“Lacey wasn’t fully real, Belle, but at the same time she was a part of you. I’m not an easy man to love, yet despite it all, you loved me. You accepted my dark side and tried to encourage the good side of my nature to the surface. I wanted to keep Lacey’s attention while I searched for a way to break the curse Regina put over your head. Indulging Lacey was all I had to rely on.”

“But you know the good in me,” Belle argued. “It’s what you claim to love about me! Why couldn’t you fight to bring it out of Lacey like I always fought to bring it out of you?”

Another tear slid down her cheek. This one, Rumple wiped away with the pad of his thumb. His voice was thick with sadness and regret when he spoke. “We both know what would have happened.”

Yes, she knew, but Belle still wanted to second guess Lacey’s nature because it wasn’t put to the test. It was difficult to admit, even to herself, that Lacey was an impulsive creature. The moment Rumpelstiltskin refused to give her what she wanted; Lacey would have found other amusements.

“Lacey would have gotten bored,” Belle admitted. “But you could have done something to make sure that didn’t happen!”

“Like what,” he challenged. “Hold you captive in an asylum so no other man could lay a finger on you? Would you have thanked me for that?”

“I don’t know, but I hate knowing that I helped you be cruel! I hate that I relished it!”

Openly crying now, Belle didn’t protest when Rumple pulled her into his arms. He held her tight and rocked her gently as her tears soaked his shoulder. “I would have spared you all of it,” he whispered in her ear, “if I could.”

The words made Belle cry harder. Holding onto Rumpelstiltskin for dear life, Belle knew what happened was not black or white. It would take time for her to accept the past and move forward. Looking into the dark side of the mirror that was her own self rattled Belle to the bone.

There were a lot of things she would do differently because of this experience. Belle wanted to learn from her mistakes as best she could. The question was if continuing to be with Rumple was healthy for either of them.

Belle never felt loving Rumpelstiltskin was a mistake. Love was not an easy road. There would be highs and lows. Could they work through this low point and have a stranger relationship because of it?

Seeing her slipping away from him, Rumpelstiltskin was desperate to get through to Belle. She could overcome the memory of her cursed personality just as the other residents of Storybrooke did. He would be damned if he was going to let her shut him out of the process! He needed Belle. There was no over exaggeration.

Didn’t Belle see how much he needed her? How deep their love went? Belle needed him, too. There was no denying the fact. They were two halves of the same whole. They could never be complete if they were apart.

He couldn’t be without her again. He refused to lose her again. Pulling Belle closer, Rumple pressed his lips against her temple. “I love you, Belle. I never stopped loving you. Ever,” he swore.  


Fresh tears fell, but Belle pressed into Rumple’s embrace. “Even when I was…different?”

Leaning back so he could cup her face in his hands, Rumpelstiltskin locked gazes with her. “Lacey was a part of you for a brief time. I never stopped loving you – all of you – for one second.”

Relief flooded through her body. Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against his.

“Tell me you love me,” Rumple urged. “I need to hear the words.”

“Rumple, I-”

His lips were already on hers. A soft moan escaped her mouth as she surrendered to the mesh of lips and slides of tongue. Rumple’s familiar scent filled her senses, which caused Belle’s body to shiver with delight. The feel of his hands running up and down her back had her clinging to him.

Reluctantly, Rumple came up for air. Cradling her in his arms, he was still amazed that Belle was here with him and whole again. Looking into those blue eyes, he couldn’t hold back a smile. Moving to take her hands in his own, Rumple noticed she was clutching something. Urging apart her fingers, he saw the diamond necklace. A smile curled his lips into a wider smile.

“You still have it.”

“I had a dream once,” she said. “A while ago now, that you gave me this necklace in your shop. You promised to show me Storybrooke.”

He smiled against her palm. “I can still do that if you wish.”

“But then you gave the actual necklace to Lacey.”

Instantly stilling at her cool words, Rumple risked a look at her face. “You resent it, don’t you?”

Putting her feelings into words was near impossible. All she could give him was a helpless look.

“I saw you every time I looked at her,” Rumple insisted.

Belle desperately wanted to believe him.

“Belle,” he said softly. “I love you.”  


Taking in the sight of his face, the depth of emotion in his eyes, the feel of his hands on her body, Belle knew she was seeing the side to Rumpelstiltskin he only revealed to her. She knew him- all sides of him. The spinner, the cruel Dark One, and the sweet, romantic man he could be when only she was looking. She loved everything about him.

“Everything I did was to get you back!”

Nodding, Belle tried to make sense out of the doubt swirling around in her mind. Rumple loved her and she loved him, but…being Lacey changed things. Belle had to find her way back to her own sense of self. “I-I know.”

His eyes reflected his desperation. “Then what’s wrong?”

At a loss, and feeling helpless, Belle knew she couldn’t offer him the reassurances he needed. “I don’t know,” she confessed. “I can’t explain it.”

Rumple imagined his reunion with Belle a million different ways. She would fall into his arms, or he into hers; they would hold each other close to make sure it was all real. They would make love until dawn and talk about everything that happened while snuggling in each other’s arms against the pillows.

Never did he imagine the distance that existed between then now. How could life be so cruel? For too long he thought Belle was dead. The happiness they shared when it was revealed she was alive was too short-lived. Rumple knew he had himself to blame for the rift, but – damn it – they were repairing things when Hook showed up and ruined it all!

Even in the hospital when Belle didn’t have her full memories, he nearly got through to her, but Regina blew that all to hell! Now, here she sat, next to the woman who claimed his heart, but she may was well be a million miles out of reach.

“How can I help?”

He looked so sad and lost that Belle wanted to say something – anything – to put him at ease, but her mind refused to form the proper words.

“I need to leave,” she finally managed.

“No,” he cried. Grasping her hands even tighter, Rumple pushed back the threatening tears. “I can’t lose you again! I won’t!”

His hold became rough, yet pleading, but Belle didn’t resist. She tried to make him understand. “I need to go back to the apartment and the library,” she started softly. “I need time to find a way to come to terms with what happened. I need to find myself again.”

“What about us?”

He looked so heartbroken. The lump in Belle’s throat was now causing her pain. “Can’t we take things slow,” she asked with her voice cracking a little.

Slow? That’s all they’ve been doing since she was freed from Regina’s asylum! Rumple didn’t want slow! He wanted Belle!

Yanking her against him, Rumple poured all of his feelings in the hot kiss. To his delight, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Falling backwards on the bed, he rolled until his body pressed hers down into the mattress.

"Belle,” he whispered against her skin. “My sweet Belle.”

Those clever lips licked the skin where her neck met her shoulder, causing her body to arch against him and her mouth to sigh with satisfaction. Belle loved the feel of him above her. Looking up at him now, she smiled.

Lacing their fingers together, Rumple pinned her hands above her head. A devilish grin came to his face moments before he bent down to reclaim her mouth. Wrapping her legs around his waist, Belle’s body urged him on even as her logical mind said she needed to stop. If she stayed with Rumple now, then she would never leave.

Prying her hands free, Belle used all her will power and strength to push against his chest. Reluctantly, Rumple pulled back and looked down at Belle with confusion. Struggling to sit up, Belle couldn’t bear to look at Rumple and see the hurt she was causing him. She could never doubt his feelings for her now that his body reminded her so passionately. The love she felt in return was screaming for her to reach out to him and get lost in his arms and forget everything that happened.

As much as she arched for Rumple, Belle knew passion would only be a temporary cure. She needed to find her sense of self again before she could be with Rumpelstiltskin.

“I need some time,” she said as she struggled to her feet.

“Time?”

Belle nodded. “And some space. Please understand.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Rumple knew Belle was slipping through his fingers and there was nothing he could do to stop her. “W-where will you go?”

“I told you; back to the apartment and the library.”  


She waited for a response, but Rumple had none to give. Supposing all was said that needed to be, Belle turned and headed for the door.

“Wait,” Rumple called when she reached the threshold. Vaulting off the bed, he left his cane forgotten on the floor as he rushed the several steps he needed to reach her side. Grasping her shoulders, he pushed her against the wall as he seized another kiss.

Belle didn’t mind. In fact, she couldn’t help but kiss him back as if she was trying to memorize every detail of his touch for the long nights she knew she would be spending alone.

Breathing heavily, Rumple rested his brow against her own. “Promise me this won’t last forever,” he said. Leaning back, he stroked the back of his hand down her delicate cheek. “Promise me and I’ll let you go.”

Struggling not to cry, Belle nodded. “I promise.”

Kissing her again, Rumple had no idea how he was going to manage. Belle tore her lips away before he could deepen the touch. She couldn’t risk getting lost in such wonderful sensation and lose her resolve. Turning on her heels, she rushed down the stairs and out the door.

Standing in the doorway with one hand pressed against the frame, Rumple struggled to hold back the curses. As much as he wanted to grab his cane and hit anything and everything around him, he was determined to master control of his dark impulses.

Belle wouldn’t be gone forever. He would give her the space she wanted, but he was also going to win her back. He did it once. He could do it again.


End file.
